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Valentine's Day

Love Kubes

I had no idea that relationships could be so easily figured out. Love Kubes promise that you can "Slash therapy bills! Avoid irritating charlatans!" when you use their prognosticatory properties. Just think about your lover, or a potential lover, and the cubes will tell you everything you need to know.

Here are the simple instructions:

"1. Close eyes. 2, Cradle Kubes lovingly in hands. 3. Meditate on a partner of your choice. 4. Roll the Kubes. For faster results, you may wish to go directly to Step 4."

For faster results?!?! Like it takes such a long time to accomplish steps 1 through 3? If you can't go through all four steps like the instructions say, you aren't patient enough to be in a relationship. Give the opposite sex a break if you can't wait that long!

I tried an alternative use for them. I closed my eyes and cradled the cubes lovingly in my hands. I thought, "What can my lover expect from ME?" I rolled the dice, and they came up with "NO BOREDOM." Damn, they're good.

http://www.karmatorium.com/

Love Cuffs

"Stay close to the one you love." That's pretty much all you need to know about this product. Now, allow me to make two things perfectly clear:

• I bought these purely for their tackiness,
• If anyone I know actually owns a set of these, I do NOT want to hear about it.

Thank you.