One might say that a ballerina is more than just a paragon of female beauty; she's an Artist, an Athlete, and perhaps even an Anorexic...and that's just the "As." So why is it that in thrift stores and flea markets across this great land, the figure of a ballerina is invoked to raise the BQ (beauty quotient) of everything from lamps to jewelry boxes to soap dispensers to, well, moonshine jugs?

My theory is that the ballerina is an afterthought. Like so many tacky treasures, the creators of these objects started with a decent idea, although perhaps not a great one or even a very good one. On the seventh day (if they even took that long), the creator looked down on his or her sorry product, and began thinking of what they could possibly do to elevate their artless mess into something that could be kindly referred to as "not too bad."

Apparently, this happens fairly often in the world of the mass-produced decorative "arts." Sometimes these artless problem-solvers resort to a floral treatment (let's put some flowers on this sucker), or lace, or seashells, or some big-eyed children or what have you. But my favorite example of overcompensation in the face of plain tackiness is the ballerina, complete with tutu and music box. It's what turns the thing into a tacky treasure.

I'm finding that almost anything that uses a ballerina in an unexpected or inappropriate setting quickly and easily qualifies for tacky treasure status. The jewelry box to the left would be a tacky treasure even without the ballerina. The classic images of pagodas, sampans, and Mt. Fuji presented on a 1950s era Formica veneer is bad enough. But the diorama of a Western European ballerina turning to the Japanese pop song, "Sukiyaki"? Pure tacky treasure genius, although most likely unintentional.

Finally, my latest acquisition, the Bols liqueur bottle with the ballerina inside, which dances to "Les Flots du Danube." With the ballerina not actually inside the bottle, it's not as abusive as it first appears. The bottle has an enormous indentation in the bottom that accommodates her. It is mounted on top of the music box. One gets a lot less liqueur for one's money with this product, so the purchaser has to like ballerinas a lot, in my opinion, to get their money's worth.

What can an individual do in the face of the abuse of the ballerina in the decorative arts? First, refuse to perpetuate the victimhood of the ballerina by refraining to purchase new items featuring the ballerina in particularly incongruous settings. Further, go to your thrift stores, your yard sales, your flea markets, your church rummage sales (even if you have lapsed from attending Mass, oh, so many years ago), and if you see a ballerina in an inappropriate setting, notify me immediately for a rescue mission.

"For Snake Bite"
Ceramic jug with stopper,
music box and ballerina
Purchased at Chic's Antiques, Floyd, Virginia
Spotted by SueEllen Lawton on June 5, 2002

Japanese Jewelry Box
with music box (plays "Sukiyaki") and ballerina
Wood, Formica, and
enamel paint
Acquired in 2002 from an
antique store in Gaithersburg

Jesus and the ballerinas
Available from CatholicShopper.com

"Bols Ballerina "
Empty liqueur bottle with a ballerina and a music box
(plays "Les Flots du Danube"). Acquired 2002 at the Montgomery Thrift Shop in Bethesda, Maryland