You may already be a weiner! But not with this hot dog toaster. A regular toaster oven could do the same thing, is easier to clean, and has lots more uses than this product.

For when a card with money tucked into it isn't enough, here's a money tree on which to deliver the goods. The best part of the product description is, "Money not included." That means they must have had cusomers who thought, "What a deal! There's $12.00 on that tree, and it only costs $6.98!"

Right away, I see a problem: the dang thing doesn't pull the tea bag all the way out of the water. Another problem is the tea bag itself -- it's Lipton Tea! Ugh. As a lifetime tea drinker, I think this is the stupidest tea-related product I've ever seen.

The nose hair clipper has long been a staple of cheesy mail order catalogs, but this product takes it to a new low. Even if done in the privacy of the home, picking one's nose is just plain tacky. Yet this catalog unabashedly encourages it, not only by offering this product in the first place, but also in the advertising copy:

"'Finger' nose hair trimmer is everyone's 'pick' to remove unsightly nasal hair."

Yikes! Have these people no shame?

The clearest evidence that this catalog is meant to market to America's heartland is the the frequency with which cap-related merchandise appears in it. But in my limited experience with gimme cap wearers, I've never known any of them to be this obsessed with cleanliness. What is a gimme cap, you ask? It's a cap that is given as a freebie when you buy a product, and it has the company name or logo on the front. "I'll buy the 74 horsepower John Deere tractor, and gimme one of them caps while you're at it."

When you have outgrown the waistband of your favorite jeans, there are usually only two options available to you: go on a diet, or buy a pair of jeans in the next largest size. Here's a third...buy this gadget that claims to expand the waistband by up to 5 inches! I haven't seen such an outrageous claim for a product since that spam email I used to get promising to enlarge my...oh, never mind. The wear and tear this will put on your jeans must be taken into consideration. And what if you eventually do lose the weight? Just remember that you have to restretch the jeans after each and every washing. It seems like it would be easier to just go shopping.

If you really love your gimme cap, you can wash it carefully in the washing machine. This form will hold the cap and preserve its original shape. This just seems a bit too prissy a product for the kind of guy that wears a gimme cap, unless the missus insisted on washing it.

Here's a product that for the first couple of minutes seems like a great idea. Think of the money you will save on haircuts! All you have to do is attach the Flowbee to your vacuum cleaner and let it suck your hair up into the rotating clippers. Yeah, sure, and after that, I'm going to use my garbage disposal to trim my nails. The only way this product will save you money is if you regularly pay in excess of $59.98 per haircut, because I'll bet there are very few customers who have used this product more than once. That reminds me of a haircut joke: What's the difference between a good haircut and a bad one? About three weeks.

I would hate to meet the sociopath who came up with this idea. The gift card maze allows you to put the card into a puzzle, and make the recipient work to get his reward. The way the catalog puts it, though, is that it "...turns a gift into an incredible challenge." Give this gift only if you are sure that he is any good at puzzles, otherwise, it is a bad idea. I do like the fact that it is reusable. That way the recipient can eventually take revenge on the giver.

Isn't that just the sweetest thing? Snuggle up to a fine substitute for your man while he's not with you. Even though the boyfriend pillow has only one arm, you can put it around yourself, and it's just like he's still there. To be more realistic, they should have put a head on this thing, and maybe even a gimme cap. The catalog asks the question, "What could be cozier on an chilly night?" Hmmm...let me think...an actual boyfriend?

Not that I'd ever use such a product, but if I did get a boyfriend pillow to take Bob's place, it would have to be wearing a tee shirt from some defunct dot.com.

Here's what I call the Poor Man's Leatherman tool.

Enough with the caps, already! Do you have any idea what a loser you would look like in this thing? Clearly the model knows. He didn't let them show enough of his face to be identified.