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Virtual Tacky Treasures Road Show 2020

Intro - People's Choice - Queen's Awards - Also Rans

Due to the shutdown related to the coronavirus, I had to cancel the Tacky Treasures Road Show that was scheduled to happen on March 28, 2020. I was sad to have to do that, but of course, it was the right thing to do.

On November 28, I tested the concept of doing the Road Show via Zoom. There were only twenty attendees and ten entries. I hand-picked the participants and swore them to secrecy. (The cat's out of the bag now, so you are free to talk and post about it.) The test went well. I may have another virtual event in a few months.

In the meantime, I'd like to thank the participants and present the winners of the first Virtual Tacky Treasures Road Show (VTTRS).

Special thanks to:

• Abbie Grotke and Denis Malloy who helped me practice my Zoom skills and made helpful suggestions
• Bob Cantor, my husband, who has always been a helpful and willing participant in my creative antics

Photos of the entries were provided by the contestants in advance of the event.

People's Choice Award

Risqué Ashtray

Carolee claimed this risqué ashtray (or candy dish) from her great-grandmother's estate. On one side, it's a woman shrouded in gauzy fabric. On the other side, her backside is protruding in a most provocative manner. One wonders about Great-Grandma's sensibilities.

It was Carolee's destiny to hang onto to this heirloom all these years so she could claim this prestigious award. It was a close call between this ashtray and Bibo. After the first vote, the two were tied and we had to conduct a run-off.

The Queen's Awards

Most Annoying Entry: Bibo

Bibo lost the run-off vote for People's Choice Award, but refused to concede and demanded a recount. As the Queen of Tacky, I threw his case out for being utterly without merit. That's why he got the Queen's Award for Most Annoying Entry. Or maybe it was because of the way he screams "Bibo!" when you tap his antenna.

The Bibo clock is permanently sold out in the Archie McPhee catalog, but they do offer a Bibo Christmas ornament, an oil painting, and an enamel pin. They're just not the same.

Bibo has an interesting back story which you can read about on the Archie McPhee website. Be sure to watch the video!
https://mcphee.com/pages/who-is-bibo

Artistic Merit and Most Recent Pop Culture Reference: Four Seasons Total Landscaping T-Shirts

Four Seasons Total Landscaping was the site of a press conference held in Philadelphia. According to the New York Times, the Trump campaign intentionally chose that location. I find this hard to believe, but whatever the case, it was certainly a surreal turn of events in the election.

Both t-shirts feature the name of the company, but the grey one also says "Gardening & Press Conferences" and the yellow one says "Famous since 2020."

The O'Lenics won points not only for the currency of their entry, but also artistic merit, because they posed like the figures in "American Gothic" by Grant Wood.

Most Likely to Inspire an Old-Time Band Name: The Fantastic Thrashers

Those of us who go to old-time music festivals which have a band contest are used to the weird band names people use when they register. Just perusing the 1991 Galax Old Fiddlers Convention program, I came up with: Belligerent Brothers, Buddha Belly & the Bosom Buddies, Polish-American Horse Hair Pullers, Rhythm Rats, Royal Canadian Rugrats, and more. Some of these people I actually know!

So "Fantastic Thrashers" as a band name would fit right in. But their music is another matter. You can check them out here, but I recommend that you don't.

https://thecrosspollinator.wordpress.com/2019/08/27/the-fantastic-thrashers-at-fantastic-caverns-side-1/

https://thecrosspollinator.wordpress.com/2020/10/23/the-fantastic-thrashers-at-fantastic-caverns-side-2/

And no self-respecting banjo player (that's not an oxymoron) would be caught dead in one of those suits.

Aunt Marty's Nose Warmers

This was a runner-up for "Most Likely to Inspire an Old-Time Band Name." I have never seen anyone wearing one of these nose warmers, but Aunt Marty seems serious about them, according to the information on the packaging.

Part of the charm of Lynda and Jumahl's entry was the attempt to demonstrate the effect of the nose warmer. Just by putting it on, you can go from a sad face to a happy yet maniacal one. I'll pass.

Most Likely to Traumatize a Young Child: The Crayons' Christmas

This book is one of a series featuring crayons as characters in the story. I have not seen the other books but I have a problem with what I've seen so far in this one. I think you can see what I mean.

I looked at its reviews on Amazon. So far, I've only found one that points out the resemblance of the peach crayon to a penis. The reviewer called it "A wonderful, phallic read for the whole family," and gave it one star. Other one-star reviewers pointed out the lack of a cogent story line, difficulty reading the text, and that their copies were missing some of the parts. It was all I could do not to scream, "But what about the penis on page 4????"

That's not the only page that had an illustration that concerned me.

But kudos for Abbie and Denis for picking up on this one.

Most Pleasant Flashback: "Mellow Yellow" Shrine

Some flashbacks are bad, but this one was good! It took me back to my adolescent years, when I loved this song. The rumor was that the title, "Mellow Yellow" was a reference to the belief that smoking the stem of a banana would get you high. Donovan, the song writer, later stated that it was a reference to a vibrator. "Electrical banana is gonna be a sudden craze." Make of that what you will.

I feel that this effusive bit of fan art must have been created circa 1968 by a thirteen-year old girl. It could have been me, if I'd had any kind of art skills.

The Also-Rans

Zen Garden Litter Box entered by Lauren Hubbard and Bill Kilgore Lauren and Bill were a bit puzzled that the maker of this object seem to take it quite seriously, barely acknowledging (in the accompanying booklet) that it's a litter box, for crying out loud. Lauren and Bill wondered why are there little rocks, instead of poops, so they improved the product by making fake poop out of kernels of rice.

The Last Supper entered by Kaycee MacDougall Kaycee says this religious artwork is almost as wide as her arm is long. It is mounted on blue brocade fabric and adorned with flowers and gold trim. Kaycee says her daughter wants to take it apart so she can put dogs' heads on the people, like the "Dogs Playing Poker" painting.

Advanced Yoga Army Men entered by Ellen Walsh Ellen was fascinated with the idea that these are the "advanced" yoga army men. There are other sets of these Yoga Joes doing less challenging poses, so somebody knew enough yoga to make different levels of yoga army men. She fantasizes about going to a "red" state and sneaking them into a toy store and placing them with the usual green plastic army men. Go for it, Ellen, and let us know how that turns out!