Top Treasures

These are my favorites. They either have achieved a certain notoriety, or I've gone to extra lengths to acquire them, or they just make me laugh harder than my other treasures. And I do love to laugh.

The Mark Eden Bust Developer - Something about the audacious claims of breast enlargement appealed to me. I had to laugh at the brazen exploitation of manufacturing hundreds of these pink clamshells and promising buyers that using one would "subtly transform them as a woman." >> more

The Popener - As soon as I heard of the existence of this bottle opener adorned with the picture of Pope John Paul II, I wanted one. It is the perfect blend of a figure of eminence with a mundane item of everyday utility. Even its name reflects this dichotomy. >> more

Biker Jesus - Jesus on a Motorcycle - What would Jesus ride? >> more

The Porto Baradio - This is a tube radio with a complete bar built into it. It comes with two decanters, six highball glasses, four shot glasses, and an ice bucket. >> more

Jesus Playing Football - Jesus got game! You can buy one of these "Jesus inspirational sports statues" for your favorite young Catholic. Jesus is portrayed as just a regular guy playing twelve different sports, including baseball, hockey, soccer, and so on. >> more

Multi-Function Lamp - This combination lamp/clock/cigarette lighter is multi-tasking its little heart out. From the Venetian blind shade down to the working cigarette lighter in the receiver, all its features still work. >> more

Snake Bite Kit - It's the presence of a ballerina on a moonshine jug that appealed to me. I imagine that there was some other character that appeared on the rotating spindle originally: perhaps a moonshiner, or a drunken hillbilly. >> more

Ronald McDonald Eat Shit Button - This is a perfect example of the deliberate flaunting of poor taste as a rebellion against established norms in society. You want fries with that? >> more

Lung Ashtray - Years ago, I saw a pink one of these in a Salvation Army thrift store, and I passed it up. Ever since I choose to become a maven of tackiness, I've longed for another chance to have a lung ashtray. >> more

Tiki Tissue Dispenser - The saying is supposed to be "You can pick your friends, but you are stuck with your relatives." Oh, yeah? Well, it is with the greatest of pride that I announce that my mother picked out this tacky treasure. >> more

Three-legged Deer Lamp - As if the photorealistic lamp shade isn't tacky enough, the base of the lamp is made of three (not four) deer hooves. What I would like to know is, how long did that hunter wait in the cold for a three-legged deer to come along? >> more

The Rubber Band Vest - For two years in high school, Carolee went everywhere working on this vest, in class, on the bus, anywhere she had to go where there would be time to work on it. During the course of this project, she learned everything there was to know about rubber bands. >> more

Jayne Mansfield Hot Water Bottle - The Jayne Mansfield Hot Water Bottle is 22 inches long, and made of hard plastic molded into the shape of the famous actress and sex symbol. >> more