Tacky Treasures Road Show 2019
It's considered tacky to discuss the following in public: sex, religion, politics, and bodily functions. Being that this was the Tacky Treasures Road Show, we showed poor taste in all four ways. It's what we do.
This year's road show took place on March 30, 2019 at the Silver Spring B&O Train Station. There were 33 fabulously tacky entries and about 40 attendees.
Before presenting the winners and the also-rans, I'd like to thank the following:
Key to the photographers' codes on the photos: BC=Bob Cantor; LR=Liz Roll; Photos not marked were taken by Julie Mangin.
First Place: Flossie's Pussy
The best tacky treasures have a good story to go with them. This painting was a gift from the artist to Abbie's stepfather Jim's stepmother Flossie. Are you with me so far? What the cat's name is, I don't know. In any case, Jim's sister thought the painting was creepy. (I do, too, as a matter of fact. The cat reminds me of Ron Perlman in "Beauty and the Beast," the TV show from the late 1980s.)
According to Abbie, Jim enjoyed terrorizing his sister by hanging the painting in guest rooms when she was visiting, or or taking it on trips with them to vacation rentals and surprising her with it there.
Abbie recently acquired it because her mother and stepfather are downsizing. They thought it was time to pass this heirloom to the next generation. Their loss is our tacky gain.
For first prize, Abbie & Denis chose the Enchanted Forest souvenir plate.
Second Place: Blue Boy, Pink Flamingo and Raccoon
If you attended last year's Tacky Treasures Road show (or read last year's report) you may remember the Blue Boy of Derwood, an art student's attempt to copy Gainsborough's Blue Boy. Bob couldn't resist adding characters to the painting and entering the results of his work in this year's contest.
Third Place: Taco Costume
I bought this taco costume at Value Village in Hillandale. It was a big hit in my neighborhood on Halloween night, with both the children and the adults. I knew I wanted to enter it into the Tacky Treasures Road Show, but was in a quandary about how to model it. I couldn't do it myself without taking a costume break in the middle of the show. Fortunately, Carolee agreed to model the taco costume for me.
For some reason, she also felt that it needed something extra, like a hat that looked like lettuce. Beggars can't be choosers, so I told her, "Sure, knock yourself out." I didn't see what the lettuce hat looked out until Carolee walked out on stage with it at the show. It looked more like the Creature from the Black Lagoon than shredded lettuce. However, when I learned from where she had gotten her idea, it began to make more sense.
Carolee was inspired by a taco costume she saw in an episode of "Tacos of Texas" on PBS. I didn't know there was such a thing as taco journalism, but if you're curious, watch this video of San Antonio: Puffy Tacos (Tacos of Texas Episode 4). Advance it to 4:07 if you just want to see a taco costume that is way better than the one I entered in the road show. At 5:50, you can see it dance!
Fourth Place: Grand Canyon Cake from White Trash Cooking
Bonnie put a lot of work into her entry. She could have simply entered the book, White Trash Cooking by Ernest Matthew Mickler, and left it at that. However, Bonnie went the extra mile, creating one of the more bizarre and complicated recipes from it.
First, she had to bake four layers in different colors, the better to represent the colorful rock walls at the Grand Canyon. After directing the cook to cover the cake completely with frosting, the recipe takes a step into tacky immortality:
"...take 2 big forks and stick them in the middle of the top of the cake and force on it until it cracks open and you can see all the colored layers. Now pour your whiskey sauce into the crack and let the cake absorb it."
But wait, it's not done yet! The recipe goes on to say:
"This is a wonderful treat for someone that's going to, or just got back from vacationing at, the Grand Canyon. It's also very educational for children."
Bonnie selected for her prize the book, Bizarre Books, by Russell Ash and Brian Lake.
Fifth Place: Victorian Clown Doll
Kaycee found this creepy clown doll at the Savers in Baltimore. She wasn't able to make it to the Tacky Treasures Road Show, but she felt so sure this was a winner, she mailed it to me prior to the show.
From the neck down, it's a doll in a Victorian gown adorned with lace and flowers. From the neck up, it's a clown with a red nose and garish orange hair. I know it's sounds perverted, but I felt this doll up and down to see if maybe the clown head was attached after the doll was purchased, as a joke. It wasn't.
It's also a musical doll that plays "Memories," which would be okay if it wasn't the kind of doll most of us would like to forget.
Being the dogged researcher that I am, I found a label on the bottom of one of the doll's feet, which read "Victoria Impex." A Google image search revealed that this is a company that markets so-called collectible Victorian dolls with pretty faces and dresses. They also market clown dolls dressed as you would expect a clown would be. However, I found nothing that resembled the clown doll I had in my hand.
After pondering this conundrum for a while, I came to the conclusion that the Victorian clown doll was the result of a horrible accident at the factory. The head of a clown was attached to the wrong doll, and no one caught the tragic mistake before it was shipped out.
Kaycee's prize was a change purse with a red crab on it.
Sixth Place: Golden Peanut Candy Dish
Ellen found this candy dish at an Asian grocery store in Rockville. Not only is it the color of real gold, but it is has several gold-tone peanuts attached to the top.
Inside, the dish was packed with candy. I was offered a piece to eat, but I declined. If I can't read what the label says, I'm not eating it. In addition, when Ellen was asked if the candy was any good, she said, "It's...okay." If it weren't for that pause in her response, I think people might have given it a try. But not me.
Ellen chose for her prize the Instant Party Spinning Light Show, which also plays (defectively) the theme from the movie, "Beverly Hills Cop."
|Copyright © 2000-2010, Julie Mangin. All Rights Reserved.||April 2, 2019|